5 Things Your Mom Didn’t Tell You About Being a Mom of Two

Listen sis, parenting is h a r d.

Just as soon as I felt comfortable being a mom of one-I got my mental health under control and developed a decent understanding of what it means to be a good parent- baby fever hit hard.

Andrew (my husband) and I decided to have another baby. We told ourselves that even though we were exhausted, adding another being to our family would be easy because we’ve been through the steps.

We know what we need to pack in the hospital bag & we already have everything that we need at home, so we’re good to go.

We were so wrong.

Being a parent of one does not imply that you’re capable of being a parent of two. Trust me on this sis.

My first son was gentle. He spent most of his time breastfeeding and sleeping until he became 1. I thought that things got wild when we he started walking, and then my second son Kason arrived and shit got real.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

There are 24 hours in a day, most of which you spend catering to tiny dictators. You’re trying your best to work with what you’ve been given-give yourself a break! This shit is rough.

Had I accepted this truth sooner, I wouldn’t have struggled with anxiety for as long as I did.

It’s time to let go of false expectations. YOU LIVE IN YOUR HOME IT WILL NEVER BE COMPLETELY CLEAN. There will almost always be dishes to clean & you’ll rewash the same load at least twice a week. All of which is completely fine.

So stop speed cleaning your home before your guest arrive. If they can’t accept your house as is, they don’t deserve to be in your life.

And this piece of advice is coming from a women who was forced to clean at-least one room everyday while growing up because her mother was completely obsessed with having a spotless home.

I can still hear my moms voice in my head, “ did you remove all the DVDs from the tv stand?” She’d question in a stern voice while using a single finger to scan for dirt.

I still have PTSD from that shit.

Make a list of everything that you believe you should do, then grab a lighter and burn that shit.

You’re setting yourself up to fail sis. Lowering your standards is the best way to prevent yourself from getting angry when things don’t go as planned.

Before I had kids, I did what I wanted when I wanted. I didn’t have to press pause on my dreams because someone needed to be rocked to sleep. Nor did I have to wait until my husband stopped working so that I could piss by myself.

ALOT HAS CHANGED. I’ve changed. You’ve changed.

Now it’s time for you to change your expectations.

Do not I REPEAT do not make parenting harder than it has to be. If people you trust are asking if they can help you, let them help!

This is probably the hardest lesson I’ve learned as a mother thus far. I was raised by a strong, independent, single mother who refused to accept help from others in fear that they’d want something in return. So naturally, I learned to do the same.

And because I refused help, my mental health suffered. I could not do it all by myself and it showed.

Sometimes I still shame myself for needing help because my mother seemed to never need any, but then I remember a few key things:

  • My mother didn’t have the village that I have
  • My mother’s life was so much harder than mine
  • I am my mother’s daughter but I am not my mother

It’s okay for me to lean on my village & it’s okay for you to do the same.

Last but most important!

Always, always remember that you are raising tiny humans who are a reflection of you. Don’t like that your toddler is sassy?

Tough titty said the kitty.

Your kid most likely learned it from you. In some cases, your child’s behavior stems from something they learned outside of your home, but 80% of the time it’s because of you-fact check me if you want to.

My mom told me that one day I’d understand how difficult it is to raise yourself and now here I am with two minis finally understanding what she meant.

My kids are mine-attitude and all. I’m not 100% proud of the sass that I passed on because I have to deal with it, but I’m sure that once they leave my house I’ll laugh at it more often.

In the meantime, I remind myself to not let their behavior hurt my feelings. I want to be my childrens’ best friend but I can’t because if I do, their funky little attitudes will cause me to bicker with them, ruining my mood and ultimately everyone’s day. Because is momma isn’t happy absolutely no one is happy.

That’s all I have for this post!

*Air hug*

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for reading! I cannot believe that you took time out of your day to read what I have to say. Just know that you’re empowering me to keep going. It isn’t easy to set aside enough time to create this content, but I do it because you deserve to feel seen.

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Realistic New Year’s Goals For Mothers

For the mother who strives to change herself in the new year for all the wrong reasons.

It’s that time of the year where almost everyone is self-reflecting. They’re taking time to look back on what they did this year & begin planning out the goals that they want to achieve in the new year.

Did you achieve your goals in 2021? What are your plans for 2022?

As you begin to create your new goals for 2022, remember to be realistic. Instead of aligning your goals with society’s standards, create goals that best align with your life.

What Do You Want To Achieve & Why?

For every goal that you make, ask yourself the following question: Am I setting this goal because I want to or because society says that I should?

When you find yourself making goals because society says that you should, I recommend that you trash them. It’s 2021. It’s time to stop letting society control your life.

Let’s work through an example. Loosing weight is a very popular New Year’s resolution, is it one of yours?

Though popular, this goal can be very toxic if it’s not made for the right reasons. Do you want to loose weight so that you can fit into society’s unrealistic expectations for what bodies look like? Or do you ultimately strive to become a healthier version of yourself in the new year?

If you want to be healthier, you should reword your goal. Instead of focusing on loosing weight, simply focus on being healthier. In doing so, you’ll place more of an emphasis on creating a healthier lifestyle instead of stressing out and most likely using toxic weightloss tactics.

5 Realistic Goals For Tired Moms

  1. Take A Trip By Yourself
  2. Make More Time For Self-care
  3. Prioritize Your Mental Health
  4. Create a Must Visit List For 2022
  5. Reconnect With The Woman You Were Before Kids

Take A Trip By Yourself

If you’re like me, you probably hardcore struggle with anxiety & mom guilt, so this goal may seem impossible to achieve.

Let’s talk it out.

Taking a trip by yourself doesn’t have to mean that you have to plan a huge get away for yourself. It could be something as simple as visiting the new store you’ve wanted to go to without bringing your kids with you.

No matter the size of your trip, make sure that you do it by yourself. I know leaving the house without your kids is hard. I’m 7 months postpartum with my second and I still guilt myself for doing anything without my children. Tbh, on Christmas Day I tried to drive to my mom’s house to pick up food without my kiddos but mom guilt had other plans. I wasn’t even 5 minutes away from my home when I decided to turn around & let my husband pick up the food instead.

Make More Time For Self-Care

You deserve to shower for more than 10 minutes-without being interrupted. In fact, you deserve so much more than that.

In 2022, I want you to set aside at least one day a month where you solely focus on taking care of yourself. Now I know, that might seem a little crazy. You probably laughed while reading that sentence. You might even be questioning if I’m actually a mom. Heck, even I questioned this goal when I first wrote it down, but then I reminded myself that not only is this goal realistic, but it’s also necessary for me to be the best version of myself in 2022.

Start small then go big! And when the mom guilt and anxiety tries to ruin your day, throw back a couple margs and keep moving forward. If you’re not a margarita gal, remind yourself that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Prioritize Your Mental Health

Mental health is one of the most under discussed topics in motherhood because society wants you to believe that suffering from a mental illness makes you a bad mother. This belief is dated and has always been 100% inaccurate.

Please, please stop suffering in silence. When January 1st hits, I want you to make that appointment that you’ve been avoiding. Heck, stop reading this post and make the appointment now.

If you don’t want to make an appointment, share your struggles with a loved one or find an activity that helps improve your mental health.

Do what you need to do to ensure that you’re taking care of your mental state just as well as you are taking care of children. And most importantly, NEVER shame yourself for prioritizing your mental health over anything.

Create A Must Visit List For 2022

If you don’t think this goal is important, scroll past this section. Or keep reading to understand why visiting places that you’ve always dreamed of is a goal that you need to set for 2022.

Before I became a mom, I was very spontaneous. I went on unplanned adventures as often as I could. My husband always says that he’s thankful that we’re together because without me, he’d never leave home.

Today I’m lucky if I go outside to check the mail. I’d like to say that this is mainly because of COVID but I can’t. After I brought a new being into the world many of my character traits faded away, being spontaneous was one of them.

Jumping in the car not knowing where I’m going used to bring me so much joy, but now it stresses me out. I long for the days where I never knew where I was going but somehow always managed to have an awesome adventure.

Do you feel the same way? If your answer is yes, let’s change that. In 2022, I want you to visit the places that you’ve only visited in your dreams.

Life is too short to waste time wishing that you had done more. So stop wishing and start doing! I promise you won’t regret it.

Reconnect With The Woman You Used To Be

Who were you before you became a mom? Were you daring? Did you go out more often? It’s time for you to reconnect with that version of yourself.

So, how can you achieve this goal? I used social media to rediscover myself. Through creating content that aimed to empower other mothers, I simultaneously empowered myself- read more here.

If you’re not a fan of social media, or you simply just don’t want to share your story online, you could do things the old fashioned way by starting a journal.

For you first entry, write about the woman that you currently are. Then, flip to the last page and write about who you used to be. As each day goes by, start each entry by writing about who you currently are then try to connect who you are now to the person you used be.

Let’s explore an example. Perhaps today you were a mom who cooked three meals for a toddler who didn’t eat any of them. And maybe in the past you were simply a woman who loved to cook. Would you prefer to view yourself as an annoyed mother who cooks food for an ungrateful toddler or as a woman who has fun in the kitchen while trying to figure out what her child will eat?

I’d much rather be the second version.

Changing the narrative and adjusting your perspective is a key aspect in remembering who you used to be. If you choose to explore this activity, let me know by leaving a comment below or sharing a post online & tagging me on TikTok or Instagram.

Closing

All of the goals above are suggestions based on the topics that I see many mothers discuss online-including myself.

You can choose to make the same goals that you always set: loose weight, eat healthier, yatta yatta. Or you can sit down and take time to make realistic goals that actually align with wha you want to achieve in life.

Are you going to be your own person in 2022 or are you going to be the person that society wants you to be?

The choice is yours queen.

As always, thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my post. I appreciate your support more than you’ll ever know!

xoxox,

Katlan

Postpartum Rage: The Angry Bitch More Moms Need to Talk About

“I’m sorry for yelling at you” is the sentence that I shamefully said to the members of my household multiple times everyday until I sought out the help that I desperately needed.

Though I currently take medication for postpartum rage (PPR), I still find myself apologizing more often than I would like to because I have trouble taming my anger.

My Signs of PPR

I first noticed that something was off when I realized how often I felt like my body was on fire. I’m a warm natured person, but this felt different. I didn’t just feel warm. I constantly felt like I was standing near my oven.

That rushing heat that blasts you in the face when you open your oven to check on your food, that’s how hot my body feels when the rage kicks in.

I also noticed that everything triggered my anger. I’d yell at my husband for questioning any of my decisions. And I was short-tempered with my toddler for doing simple things such as not listening the first time that I asked him to do something or for asking too many questions throughout the day.

I instantly became livid by sounds. Listening to my toddler chew his food nearly drove me insane.

When I become angry, I can’t see. I’m literally blinded by rage. My eyes burn and feel like they’re going to pop out of my head. The room feels like it’s spinning and I feel like someone is screaming inside of my head. And when my mouth opens, everyone near by is stung by the unfiltered hatred that burst from my tongue. I loose all control, and ultimately wrongfully hurt those I love most.

Moments I’ll Never Forget

I told my husband, more than once, that I wanted to abort my second baby for insignificant reasons that instantly triggered my rage.

I’ve raised my voice at my husband in front of our toddler, more times than I can count, over simple disagreements.

I rudely told my son to chew with his mouth closed so many times throughout the day that he started to hide while eating. The first time that I saw him do this, I cried for what felt like hours.

And that is when I decided to get help.

My Treatment Plan

I take two medications:an antidepressant & an anxiety pill. My medicine helps control my anger but it doesn’t fully tame it.

In addition to taking medicine I also make sure to do the following:

  • Stay well rested
  • Eat when hungry
  • Have a creative outlet
  • Dance often
  • Meditate
  • Exercise

I don’t accomplish each of these every single day because I’m a busy SAHM, but I try my best to do as many as I can because they drastically improve my mood.

Most importantly, I lowered my expectations as a mother and wife. I had to teach myself to let go of the mother & wife that society wants me to be because that version of me demanded too much of my life.

Each day that I wake up, I have one goal: try my best.

I try my best to maintain a clean house. I try my best to raise well-loved & emotionally stable children. I try my best to make time for my husband. And I try my best to take care of myself.

And that is the best that I can do.

Support

Resources

Must Read Articles

Knowledge is power. The more you know, the stronger you’ll be. Give these articles a read:

Closing

Thank you for reading my story. This is a bit a small excerpt from my battle with perinatal mood and anxiety disorder. Stay tuned for a new blog post that explains why & how my anxiety presents itself in a form of rage.

Need more help, want more resources, or simply want to share your story with me? Send me an email or DM me on IG @mommingwithkatlan.

Everything we discuss will remain between us. Let me be here for you.

Motherhood is Hard Because the Standards are Wrong. It’s Time to Learn New Ones.

Transitioning into motherhood is hands down one of the most challenging times in a woman’s life. We desperately want to reach out to others to talk about the things that we’re going through but many of us don’t because we’re taught to believe that most of the topics that we want to talk about are taboo. This belief is wrong.

No part of motherhood is taboo. Everything that you’re going through is normal. Postpartum depression, body confidence issues, over stimulation, and feeling touched out are a few of the many things that most mothers experience but are too scared to discuss because they fear that they’ll be labeled as a bad mom.

You are a good mom

The fact that you question whether you’re a good mom shows that you’re a good mom! By questioning your decisions as a mother, you’re using self-reflection which gives you the opportunity to make sure that you’re trying your best. It also promotes growth.

Motherhood is rooted in continuous growth.

Everyday that you wake up, you’ll learn something new. Maybe today you learned that you have a new postpartum rage trigger. Perhaps tomorrow you’ll learn how to best approach your toddler when they’re upset.

Give yourself grace, you’re trying your best. You are not a bad mom, you’re not the problem. Its the dated standards that you’re using to judge yourself as mom, that’s the problem.

So, how do we fix this issue?

We start by changing the narrative around motherhood.

Instead of blindly obeying dated standards set by society, we should redefine & modernize what it means to be a good mother.

We’ll begin by normalizing the parts of motherhood that society wants you to believe are taboo. We’ll share our stories and discuss the topics we’re told to hide.

Join me?

Share your stories in the comments.

Together we’ll pave way for new standards so that current & future mothers know that what they’re going through is normal, not taboo.

A Mother’s Strength Comes From Necessity Not Want

Follow: @mommingwithkatlan on IG

I am tired.

The load of motherhood is becoming overwhelming. As a second time mom, I thought that things would be easier this time around-but I was wrong.

I’m drowning in mom guilt, anxiety, & postpartum rage. And the constant lack of sleep is making everything so much worse. When I combine the state of my mental health & lack of sleep with the daily load of being a staying at home mom, I often wonder how I remain sane.

How does a mother keep her shit together while the odds are stacked against her?

She does it out of necessity because she has to.

Most days I don’t want to wake up at 5 AM after breastfeeding a co-sleeping baby throughout the night, but I do it because it has to be done.

Nor do I want to wipe my kiddos’ asses before I eat breakfast, but someone has to deal with the shit.

No one is going to swing through my window and save the day.

No one is going to wave a magic wand and grant my three wishes.

And no one is going to help me when I actually need to be helped.

Sure, my village offers to help but realistically the help never arrives when I need it most because we’re all trying to live our lives.

Now don’t get it twisted. I love being a mother but that doesn’t mean that I love every part of it. Some moments are great. Some moments are shit. Some days I’m happy. Some days I’m pissed.

My journey through motherhood is undoubtedly one of the hardest, if not the hardest, ventures I’ve ever embarked on.

The road is bumpy and riddled with cracks. I hardly ever know where I’m going, because the pathway is covered in a dense fog that never lifts. And I’m often scared to take the road less traveled because the signs say “beware”.

And that is why mothers are strong. We are not strong because we choose to be, we are strong because we are made to be.

We are forced to walk a broken road, alone with a set of directions that leads us towards false expectations for what a “good mom” looks like.

We’re told to stay in line, know your place. Wear the uniform.

Stay silent.

I’m here to give you your human rights back. Im here to give you the option to choose to be strong because you want to, not because you have to.

I’m here to tell you that there’s another way. That path I mentioned above, with the sign marked “beware”-that is the road you should take.

You shouldn’t fall in line & obey the rules of society because those standards are dated. They’re connected to a past that’s rooted in sexism, and helps maintain the fire that fuels the patriarchy and oppresses women.

Instead, you should join me and thousands of other bold, modern day mothers and take the road less traveled.

Together we’ll burn the broken road and pave a new one. A road that leads to the true definition of what a “good mom” looks like.

Are you ready?

Let’s start now!

What does “good mom” mean to you? Share in the comments.