I bought the denim jacket in a size XL. At first I didn’t want to buy that big of a size because I wasn’t sure it would fit.
I’m 5’8” and approx 180lbs. This is the most that I’ve ever weighed & im finally okay with that. I’m happy that I bought an XL because it fits perfectly. Since having kids, I’ve preferred my clothes to be a bit roomier. So, if you’re body is similar to mine & you prefer a snugger fit, I highly recommend that you order a smaller size.
If you’re looking for sunglasses that are a vibe and actually block out the sun, you should definitely get these! As soon as I put them on, I instantly feel like a bad ass hippie bitch. And that’s the goal!
I used to LOVE going shopping in person & then the pandemic hit. Since then, I’ve done most of my shopping online. I just recently started picking out groceries in person again.
I love shopping online because I can do it from the comfort of my bed & I don’t feel guilty for leaving my kids at home while I spoil myself. Nor do I have to yell at my toddler 20 times for touching shit in the store.
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Just as soon as I felt comfortable being a mom of one-I got my mental health under control and developed a decent understanding of what it means to be a good parent- baby fever hit hard.
Andrew (my husband) and I decided to have another baby. We told ourselves that even though we were exhausted, adding another being to our family would be easy because we’ve been through the steps.
We know what we need to pack in the hospital bag & we already have everything that we need at home, so we’re good to go.
We were so wrong.
Being a parent of one does not imply that you’re capable of being a parent of two. Trust me on this sis.
My first son was gentle. He spent most of his time breastfeeding and sleeping until he became 1. I thought that things got wild when we he started walking, and then my second son Kason arrived and shit got real.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
There are 24 hours in a day, most of which you spend catering to tiny dictators. You’re trying your best to work with what you’ve been given-give yourself a break! This shit is rough.
Had I accepted this truth sooner, I wouldn’t have struggled with anxiety for as long as I did.
It’s time to let go of false expectations. YOU LIVE IN YOUR HOME IT WILL NEVER BE COMPLETELY CLEAN. There will almost always be dishes to clean & you’ll rewash the same load at least twice a week. All of which is completely fine.
So stop speed cleaning your home before your guest arrive. If they can’t accept your house as is, they don’t deserve to be in your life.
And this piece of advice is coming from a women who was forced to clean at-least one room everyday while growing up because her mother was completely obsessed with having a spotless home.
I can still hear my moms voice in my head, “ did you remove all the DVDs from the tv stand?” She’d question in a stern voice while using a single finger to scan for dirt.
I still have PTSD from that shit.
Make a list of everything that you believe you should do, then grab a lighter and burn that shit.
You’re setting yourself up to fail sis. Lowering your standards is the best way to prevent yourself from getting angry when things don’t go as planned.
Before I had kids, I did what I wanted when I wanted. I didn’t have to press pause on my dreams because someone needed to be rocked to sleep. Nor did I have to wait until my husband stopped working so that I could piss by myself.
ALOT HAS CHANGED. I’ve changed. You’ve changed.
Now it’s time for you to change your expectations.
Do not I REPEAT do not make parenting harder than it has to be. If people you trust are asking if they can help you, let them help!
This is probably the hardest lesson I’ve learned as a mother thus far. I was raised by a strong, independent, single mother who refused to accept help from others in fear that they’d want something in return. So naturally, I learned to do the same.
And because I refused help, my mental health suffered. I could not do it all by myself and it showed.
Sometimes I still shame myself for needing help because my mother seemed to never need any, but then I remember a few key things:
My mother didn’t have the village that I have
My mother’s life was so much harder than mine
I am my mother’s daughter but I am not my mother
It’s okay for me to lean on my village & it’s okay for you to do the same.
Last but most important!
Always, always remember that you are raising tiny humans who are a reflection of you. Don’t like that your toddler is sassy?
Tough titty said the kitty.
Your kid most likely learned it from you. In some cases, your child’s behavior stems from something they learned outside of your home, but 80% of the time it’s because of you-fact check me if you want to.
My mom told me that one day I’d understand how difficult it is to raise yourself and now here I am with two minis finally understanding what she meant.
My kids are mine-attitude and all. I’m not 100% proud of the sass that I passed on because I have to deal with it, but I’m sure that once they leave my house I’ll laugh at it more often.
In the meantime, I remind myself to not let their behavior hurt my feelings. I want to be my childrens’ best friend but I can’t because if I do, their funky little attitudes will cause me to bicker with them, ruining my mood and ultimately everyone’s day. Because is momma isn’t happy absolutely no one is happy.
That’s all I have for this post!
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for reading! I cannot believe that you took time out of your day to read what I have to say. Just know that you’re empowering me to keep going. It isn’t easy to set aside enough time to create this content, but I do it because you deserve to feel seen.
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Sharing your story online isn’t for the weak hearted. It’s time consuming, tiresome, and yet it’s also rewarding.
I’ve been a content creator for nearly a year now. I started on Instagram then expanded to TikTok & this blog. I considered joining other platforms such as Twitter & Facebook to expand my reach, but ultimately decided not to because I want to live my life.
Here are three reasons I believe using content creation to build a presence online can be toxic:
You have to make sacrifices. You can’t have it all. As a stay at home mom & content creator, i constantly feel like I have to sacrifice either my time with my children or my time to sleep in order to create enough content to stay relevant.
I aim to post at least one reel & three TikToks everyday. I also try to post one blog a week-though I’d like to post more.
To post one reel everyday, I batch make 7 videos on Saturday & Sunday. But most of them remain in my draft folder because I don’t think that they’re good enough (I’m working on changing this belief).
Everyone isn’t kind. Part of me wishes that we lived in a world full of bliss, but the realist in me knows that world would suck. In order to enjoy my highs, I must experience my lows. And as a content creator, I have a lot of lows.
If you’re going to share your story online, you need to be mentally prepared to deal with the people who aren’t going to like you. Once you go viral & your account starts growing, you’ll have to make a choice:
Do you want to ignore the hateful comments that you receive or do you want to respond to them?
I’m currently dealing with this issue. I want to be a safe space but I also want to destigmatize the topics that I discuss. I believe that I can achieve both of these if I focus on educating those I disagree with, instead of arguing with them.
Lastly,you really get to know yourself. If you’re suppressing parts of yourself, they’ll resurface while you’re creating content. And if you’re prepared to accept those parts of you, your mental health will take a hit.
At first, I enjoyed creating for self-reflection purposes. At the end of each day, I journaled on social media. Soon, I rediscovered the woman I lost in motherhood.
Shortly after I happily reconnected with my past self, my traumas started to surface. I was not at all prepared to revisit past traumas because I was already battling postpartum rage in the present.
Healing from the pains that I’ve hidden for what feels like most of my life has been very difficult, but I’m happy it happened because I’m stronger & healthier because of it.
Being a content creator is far from easy. It puts you in a position where you have to choose to either define yourself by the opinions of your followers or be strong enough to believe in your perception of yourself.
If you’re just starting out as a content creator, don’t let this post scare you. I highly recommend creating content online because of how therapeutic it can be.
If you think reading negative comments would be too much for you, make your profile private or turn off the comments on your posts.
Do what works for you.
How do you protect yourself online? Let me know in the comments.
Thank you for being here. I genuinely appreciate your presence.
Mary Jane has done it again. I’ve had yet another construct altering epiphany that guided on the path to a state of healing 🙌
I’ve been lying online
I didn’t create my image online to best serve the motherhood community. I did it to make money.
I want to become an influencer so that I can live out my dreams, not because I want to create a great life for my children.
And I say this because if I truly wanted to give my children the best life possible, I solely focus on love. If you had been a fly on a wall during the last 8 months of our lives, you would have noticed that love was always a priority.
For months I’ve put what felt like all of my energy into building a platform online. Need proof? Come visit my house.
It is a COMPLETE mess and my parenting is too.
I want to continue writing because I don’t feel like this post is finished, but I’m going to stop here so that I can start living my truth.
Something that I’ve always known, but never said out loud because I was scared of the domino effect.
If I verbalize these thoughts, will my relationship with my loved ones change? Is the thought that made me hide my pain for much longer than I should have.
Even as I’m typing this, I’m questioning if it’s okay to share.
And honestly, I’m still scared to post this online but I’m doing so in hopes that it encourages others to stop silencing their pains in fear of being judged by those who love them.
So, what’s the big news? What am Iready to share?
While giving my baby a bath, I was telling my husband about some of the conversations that I’ve been having with my mother lately.
But before I dive into this I want to make this very clear: I love my mother. She is an amazing woman & I hope that if she reads this, she will still want to have a relationship with me afterwards.
I’m trying to get to a point in my life, where I don’t feel guilty for sharing any part of my story online. I think speaking candidly about your journey is important because it helps others realize that what they’re experiencing happens to people other than themselves.
The Video That Sparked My Breakthrough
I’m not going to go into the details because I value my mother’s privacy. So I’m going to summarize some things. Shortly after posting this video publicizing a few of my parenting preferences & the fact that I’ve been molested several times, my mother sent me a message that made me question if I was allowed to voice my opinion.
Long story short, after talking to my husband, I’ve realized that I’ve been living my life in fear of my mother’s judgment. I hide parts of my story because I’m scared that she won’t like what I have to say and because I don’t want to deal with the backlash.
Again, my mother is great. She’s a God fearing woman, who raised me in a house full of love-but she never been great at encouraging me to speak my truth.
Though she’s told me many times to speak candidly with her, I usually choose not to because if she strongly disagrees with my opinion, she’ll let me know in a way that makes me feel like I’m a teenager in her house again. It’s my way or the high way, type of mentality.
I have this mentality with certain things as a parent too, but I truly hope that I never make my sons feel like they have to hide things from me in fear of my reaction.
Lesson For The Day
No one has to understand my traumas for them to be traumatic. No one has to remember what happened for me to believe that it occurred.
I’m the only person who needs to validate my thoughts and feelings.
If you’re dealing with a similar problem, I hope that you start your healing journey soon. The road is rough and often times it’s lonely AF, but I promise you’ll feel so much better after you accept your truth.
Thank you for being here. I genuinely appreciate your presence.
Let’s stay connected!
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I’ve decided to start journaling online to hold myself more accountable. I often say that I love writing, which is true, but I hardly ever make time for it right now.
I’m so busy.
Building a Business While Raising a Family is ExtremelyDifficult
Currently my days are comprised of wiping asses, washing laundry, cooking three meals for a toddler who doesn’t eat, creating content for multiple media outlets, feeding my baby on demand, trying to build a biz, positively impact the motherhood community and SO MUCH MORE.
Saying I’m exhausted is not strong enough of a word to accurately define what I’m feeling.
Part of me wants to stop and just do nothing because it’s so relaxing- I can’t remember the last time I fully stopped and did nothing.
Even when I’m focusing on relaxing because it improves my mental health, my brain never stops working. While watching tv I’ll be thinking about all of the content I want to create.
Write a book. Build a post rage support course. Start a podcast. Create a village of strong women.
I want to accomplish so much but I have very little time to do so-or so I tell myself.
I quickly become stressed out when I think about everything that I want to create because I tell myself that I’m already behind. When truthfully, I’m wrong.
Sure, many moms have already built an empire from home, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t too.
The whole reason I started doing this is because I couldn’t find anyone else who is.
I want to give up, but I’m not going to because I also want to succeed. And more importantly, I want the women I seek to help to succeed as well.
Thank you for reading my diary-16 year old me would cringe if she knew that I let you.
I think I’ll record a Vlog next time! Drop a comment if you’d watch it.
For the mother who asked me how I overcame my baby’s nipple confusion on Tiktok, I want you to know two things: 1. You are not alone 2. You are not a bad mom.
Be kind to yourself. Breastfeeding, like motherhood is hard. It’s okay if you’re struggling. Breastfeeding is something that you learn, it doesn’t come natural.
What is nipple confusion?
The phrase nipple confusion or nipple preference, refers to babies who cry when they’re offered the breast when switching from bottles to breasts or pacifiers to breast.
Here’s a very helpful article by Parents magazine that defines the phrases with more details.
What causes this issue?
This problem arises when an infant is introduced to a bottle or pacifier that isn’t designed for breastfed babies before the infant is used to breastfeeding.
My Experience With Nipple Confusion
As mentioned in a different post, my second born Kason developed nipple confusion at the hospital. Though he breastfed like a champ right after birth, he quickly developed a preference for the Avent pacifier that the hospital gave him.
I was devastated. To be honest, I felt like a failure. I blamed myself for his struggles. I was really hard on myself because of how easy my experience breastfeeding my first son was. Apart from cracked & bleeding nipples, I didn’t have an issues feeding Jameson.
I was also tired. I didn’t sleep for 48 hours after I had Kason because of COVID protocols. My husband was at home with our toddler & I was alone with a newborn in a hospital that was having security problems-or so I was told. I’ll share that story soon & link it here.
Any who, because I was exhausted, I didn’t make time to research solutions. Instead, I solved our problem on my own.
My solution for a nipple confused baby
To help my baby overcome his confusion/preference, I would interchange my nipple for his pacifier during his feedings.
Each session would begin with his pacifier in his mouth. Once he looked comfortable, I’d remove the pacifier & replace it with my nipple as smoothly as possible. Every time he unlatched I gave him the pacifier. I would end the feeding session once he started crying when offered my nipple.
Overtime, he unlatched less often & his feeding sessions became longer as he became more comfortable with breastfeeding.
I also really focused on dream feeding-which was convenient for me because I co-sleep and literally always hold him during nap time.
Dream feeding refers to the method that many nursing mothers use to prolong their baby’s sleep. While your baby is sleeping, try to slip your nipple into your baby’s mouth. If your baby doesn’t take it, slightly wake up your baby until they latch on. This approach was much easier than switching out my nipple for the pacifier because he was asleep, so he fed longer without getting upset or wanting the pacifier.
These are the steps that I took to strengthen my breastfeeding relationship with my second born. Let me know if you try these methods by dropping a comment below.
Thank you so much for being here! I appreciate your presence more than you’ll ever know.
If you’re reading this, it’s most likely because you’re stressing over breastfeeding. I’ve been there momma.
I’m not going to tell you that it will get easier because honestly, it might not. But I can tell you that you’ll become stronger.
Honest confessions from a mother who battled postpartum rage in silence for far too long before she decided to get the help that she & her family needed.
Postpartum rage made me the abusive and toxic member of my family that I always try to avoid at traditional family gatherings.
Sadly, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop bumping into her at family events,
the hidden arguments with my husband,
and the sleepless nights with my baby.
I always ran into her.
I’m sorry for every time that I lost control and said & did things that I’ll always regret.
I apologize for the tense environment that I created in my home. When I was at my lowest, my husband and toddler were constantly on edge. Instead of jumping into an activity, they’d do it very slowly to make sure that it wouldn’t trigger me.
I make my husband feel like he needs my permission to do small things. If he wants to watch tv while we are in the same room, he’ll ask me if I’m in the mood for tv before turning it on.
I make my toddler fear me. When he can sense that I’m on edge, he’ll tip toe down the hallway to ask me for something. “Mommy, can I have a snack?” He’ll ask very meekly with a bit of fear, sadness, & confusion in his eyes.
I never wanted to be the mother who screams or the wife who purposefully starts arguments with her husband, but sadly, that’s who postpartum rage makes me be.
I regret not being able to enjoy family time because I was full of rage.
I was short-tempered with my toddler during almost every second of every day.
Shamefully, even though I strive to be a gentle parent, I admit that I hit my oldest’s hand a few times (much harder than I should have) while blinded by rage.
….. and most importantly, my heart aches to think about how often I wasn’t there for my toddler when he needed me during a melt-down because his emotions were triggering me.
This list of regrets doesn’t cover everything that I regret doing while battling postpartum rage. It highlights the thoughts that keep me up at night.
If you’re reading this post, you’re most likely battling postpartum rage. If you are, I want you to know two very important things:
• Battling postpartum rage does not make you a bad mother
• You don’t need to be ashamed of what’s happening to you
What you’re experiencing is normal and does not define who you are. If you’ve sought out help, I’m proud of you!
If you haven’t reached that milestone yet, know that I believe in you. You are strong enough to realize that you deserve to prioritize your mental health.
No matter where you are in your battle, you will get through this queen!
Thank you for reading this post. Leave a comment to let me know if you enjoyed it!
For the mother who has experienced the mentally exhausting battle that comes from fighting postpartum rage every second of every day, know that you are not alone.
I was completely out of control.
Anger constantly consumed every part of me.
I tried my best to fight off the urge to scream & break things, but postpartum rage was almost always too strong.
When it Started
In reflecting on my journey, I’ve pinpointed the start of my battle with postpartum rage when I first began my MA.
My then, little family of three, had just moved from our small hometown to a big city for my husband’s first big boy job. We had both just finished undergraduate and we’re excited for the next chapter of our lives.
I’m very ambitious and because of this, I felt that I needed to be more than a stay at home mom. So, I stared an online master’s program in hopes that it would help me land a remote job.
My struggles began when I couldn’t find balance. My husband worked LONG hours. It was difficult for me to figure out how to maintain a clean home, cook, raise a healthy baby that I exclusively breastfed, and make time for my master’s program.
I had a very small window to work on my assignments. When my husband got home from work, I had roughly 2-3 hours to complete assignments while he fed & bathed our kiddo. I also worked on the weekends, which eventually became problematic. Most families use the weekends to decompress and spend quality time as a family. So, because I chose to use the weekends to complete assignments, we weren’t given anytime to reset.
Not having downtime is never a good idea.
As my program progressed & the courses became harder, I needed more time to complete my assignments but our schedule wouldn’t budge.
Slowly, my lack of time & hectic schedule caused me to fear that I wouldn’t be successful. I became anxious and eventually my anxiety & fear began presenting itself in the form of rage.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with postpartum rage, I’ll link an article here that explains how anxiety, fear, & rage are connected.
My Breaking Point
I avoided seeking help much longer than I should have. For nearly half a year, I tried my best to hide my anger from those outside of my household in fear that I’d be labeled as an unfit mother and bad wife.
I caved and made an appointment after I realized how often I was uncontrollably lashing out at my husband. Though I never physically abused anyone, I said things that I’ll always regret and I was constantly on edge.
Life With Rage
Living with postpartum rage is honestly the most difficult challenge I’ve ever faced. I’m not an emotional person. Tbh, I try to avoid expressing deep emotions because it makes me uncomfortable. So, when the rage kicked in & I was unable to control myself, I had no clue how to cope.
I almost always feel angry. When I don’t feel angry, I’m most likely feeling sad because of something that I did while blinded by rage.
Have you ever caught yourself confused by an emotion that you’re feeling? I have.
I’ve been fighting postpartum rage for so long that happiness and peace of mind feels odd to me.
My Mindset Today
I am not where I want to be, but I am so much better than I used to be.
After I had my second son. Postpartum rage reappeared stronger than before. I decided to make some changes.
I knew that that I didn’t want to put another baby through what my first went through, so I sought help as soon as I noticed that I felt off again.
With the help of prescribed antidepressants & anxiety medicine, a creative outlet, and mindset work, I have learned how to best manage my rage.
I don’t have full control. I still feel angry and I’m still triggered by many things that I don’t think should make me angry, but I no longer lash out on others or do anything else that would instantly make me feel shamed.
Thank you for being here! You could be doing so many others things, yet you chose to visit my sight. Thank you thank you thank you!
Now that you’ve read what I have to say, visit my Instagram or TikTok to se what I have to say 🙂
Drop a comment on my social channels to let me know that you were here.
For the mother who is uncertain that mindset training won’t work for her or simply just doesn’t know what it is.
Your mindset impacts how you interact and respond to the world around you.
What is Mindset?
According to Kendra Cherry, a mindset is comprised of the beliefs that you use to make sense of yourself and everything around you. Essentially, it’s what you think and how you feel about everything.
Two Kinds of Mindset:
Fixed Mindset: The belief that you are born with specific limitations that cannot be changed
Growth Mindset: The belief that with practice and time, you can change your characteristics
Those with a growth mindset are more likely to view setbacks and challenges as a learning opportunity, while those with the fixed mindset are likely to give up when faced with a challenge.
Which Mindset Do You Have?
Gives Up Easily
Inspired by the success of others
Threatened by the success of others
You believe that you can grow
You don’t believe that you can change
Enjoys trying new things
Avoids trying new things
Why is Mindset Important?
The state of your mindset is important because it impacts every area of your life. Having a strong, positive, growth mindset is essential to your overall health-especially self-esteem.
Let’s work through an example. If you’re here, you’re most likely struggling with a postpartum mental illness such as rage or depression. If you have a fixed mindset & you’re battling one (or perhaps both) of these illnesses, you’ll really struggle to overcome this battle.
These are some of the thoughts you might have:
“No matter what I do, I will always be depressed”
“I will never be as mentally stable as some of the mothers that I know”
However, if you approach these illnesses with a growth mindset, you’ll be more likely to come out on top.
Your thought will transition to:
“I haven’t overcome my depression yet, but I’ll get there”
“I’m not as stable as my mom friends yet, but I will be”
Do you see the difference?
How Do You Change Your Mindset?
Practice, practice, practice.
If you have a fixed mindset, but you want to have a growth mindset, you need to focus on changing how you think. Every time you find yourself facing a challenge, ask yourself this:
Am I approaching this challenge with a fixed mindset or growth mindset? Do I believe that I can overcome this challenge or do I believe that I will fail?
It will take a lot of practice, but overtime, you will teach yourself to be more open to change.
Thank you being here! I appreciate your support more than you know. Since you’re here, leave me a comment below and let me know if this post is helpful. I genuinely value your opinion and honestly need it to ensure that I’m achieving my goal of positively impacting the motherhood community.