Listen sis, parenting is h a r d.
Just as soon as I felt comfortable being a mom of one-I got my mental health under control and developed a decent understanding of what it means to be a good parent- baby fever hit hard.
Andrew (my husband) and I decided to have another baby. We told ourselves that even though we were exhausted, adding another being to our family would be easy because we’ve been through the steps.
We know what we need to pack in the hospital bag & we already have everything that we need at home, so we’re good to go.
We were so wrong.
Being a parent of one does not imply that you’re capable of being a parent of two. Trust me on this sis.
My first son was gentle. He spent most of his time breastfeeding and sleeping until he became 1. I thought that things got wild when we he started walking, and then my second son Kason arrived and shit got real.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
There are 24 hours in a day, most of which you spend catering to tiny dictators. You’re trying your best to work with what you’ve been given-give yourself a break! This shit is rough.
Had I accepted this truth sooner, I wouldn’t have struggled with anxiety for as long as I did.
It’s time to let go of false expectations. YOU LIVE IN YOUR HOME IT WILL NEVER BE COMPLETELY CLEAN. There will almost always be dishes to clean & you’ll rewash the same load at least twice a week. All of which is completely fine.
So stop speed cleaning your home before your guest arrive. If they can’t accept your house as is, they don’t deserve to be in your life.
And this piece of advice is coming from a women who was forced to clean at-least one room everyday while growing up because her mother was completely obsessed with having a spotless home.
I can still hear my moms voice in my head, “ did you remove all the DVDs from the tv stand?” She’d question in a stern voice while using a single finger to scan for dirt.
I still have PTSD from that shit.
Make a list of everything that you believe you should do, then grab a lighter and burn that shit.
You’re setting yourself up to fail sis. Lowering your standards is the best way to prevent yourself from getting angry when things don’t go as planned.
Before I had kids, I did what I wanted when I wanted. I didn’t have to press pause on my dreams because someone needed to be rocked to sleep. Nor did I have to wait until my husband stopped working so that I could piss by myself.
ALOT HAS CHANGED. I’ve changed. You’ve changed.
Now it’s time for you to change your expectations.
Do not I REPEAT do not make parenting harder than it has to be. If people you trust are asking if they can help you, let them help!
This is probably the hardest lesson I’ve learned as a mother thus far. I was raised by a strong, independent, single mother who refused to accept help from others in fear that they’d want something in return. So naturally, I learned to do the same.
And because I refused help, my mental health suffered. I could not do it all by myself and it showed.
Sometimes I still shame myself for needing help because my mother seemed to never need any, but then I remember a few key things:
- My mother didn’t have the village that I have
- My mother’s life was so much harder than mine
- I am my mother’s daughter but I am not my mother
It’s okay for me to lean on my village & it’s okay for you to do the same.
Last but most important!
Always, always remember that you are raising tiny humans who are a reflection of you. Don’t like that your toddler is sassy?
Tough titty said the kitty.
Your kid most likely learned it from you. In some cases, your child’s behavior stems from something they learned outside of your home, but 80% of the time it’s because of you-fact check me if you want to.
My mom told me that one day I’d understand how difficult it is to raise yourself and now here I am with two minis finally understanding what she meant.
My kids are mine-attitude and all. I’m not 100% proud of the sass that I passed on because I have to deal with it, but I’m sure that once they leave my house I’ll laugh at it more often.
In the meantime, I remind myself to not let their behavior hurt my feelings. I want to be my childrens’ best friend but I can’t because if I do, their funky little attitudes will cause me to bicker with them, ruining my mood and ultimately everyone’s day. Because is momma isn’t happy absolutely no one is happy.
That’s all I have for this post!
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for reading! I cannot believe that you took time out of your day to read what I have to say. Just know that you’re empowering me to keep going. It isn’t easy to set aside enough time to create this content, but I do it because you deserve to feel seen.
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