8 Regrets of an Angry Mother

Honest confessions from a mother who battled postpartum rage in silence for far too long before she decided to get the help that she & her family needed.

Postpartum rage made me the abusive and toxic member of my family that I always try to avoid at traditional family gatherings.

Sadly, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop bumping into her at family events,

guest visits,

the hidden arguments with my husband,

and the sleepless nights with my baby.

I always ran into her.

My Regrets

I’m sorry for every time that I lost control and said & did things that I’ll always regret.

  1. I apologize for the tense environment that I created in my home. When I was at my lowest, my husband and toddler were constantly on edge. Instead of jumping into an activity, they’d do it very slowly to make sure that it wouldn’t trigger me.
  2. I make my husband feel like he needs my permission to do small things. If he wants to watch tv while we are in the same room, he’ll ask me if I’m in the mood for tv before turning it on.
  3. I make my toddler fear me. When he can sense that I’m on edge, he’ll tip toe down the hallway to ask me for something. “Mommy, can I have a snack?” He’ll ask very meekly with a bit of fear, sadness, & confusion in his eyes.
  4. I never wanted to be the mother who screams or the wife who purposefully starts arguments with her husband, but sadly, that’s who postpartum rage makes me be.
  5. I regret not being able to enjoy family time because I was full of rage.
  6. I was short-tempered with my toddler during almost every second of every day.
  7. Shamefully, even though I strive to be a gentle parent, I admit that I hit my oldest’s hand a few times (much harder than I should have) while blinded by rage.
  8. ….. and most importantly, my heart aches to think about how often I wasn’t there for my toddler when he needed me during a melt-down because his emotions were triggering me.

This list of regrets doesn’t cover everything that I regret doing while battling postpartum rage. It highlights the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Closing

If you’re reading this post, you’re most likely battling postpartum rage. If you are, I want you to know two very important things:

• Battling postpartum rage does not make you a bad mother

• You don’t need to be ashamed of what’s happening to you

What you’re experiencing is normal and does not define who you are. If you’ve sought out help, I’m proud of you!

If you haven’t reached that milestone yet, know that I believe in you. You are strong enough to realize that you deserve to prioritize your mental health.

No matter where you are in your battle, you will get through this queen!

Thank you for reading this post. Leave a comment to let me know if you enjoyed it!

xoxox

Katlan

2 thoughts on “8 Regrets of an Angry Mother

    • Katlan January 15, 2022 / 10:00 pm

      Thank you for reading!

      Like

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