Postpartum Rage: The Angry Bitch More Moms Need to Talk About

“I’m sorry for yelling at you” is the sentence that I shamefully said to the members of my household multiple times everyday until I sought out the help that I desperately needed.

Though I currently take medication for postpartum rage (PPR), I still find myself apologizing more often than I would like to because I have trouble taming my anger.

My Signs of PPR

I first noticed that something was off when I realized how often I felt like my body was on fire. I’m a warm natured person, but this felt different. I didn’t just feel warm. I constantly felt like I was standing near my oven.

That rushing heat that blasts you in the face when you open your oven to check on your food, that’s how hot my body feels when the rage kicks in.

I also noticed that everything triggered my anger. I’d yell at my husband for questioning any of my decisions. And I was short-tempered with my toddler for doing simple things such as not listening the first time that I asked him to do something or for asking too many questions throughout the day.

I instantly became livid by sounds. Listening to my toddler chew his food nearly drove me insane.

When I become angry, I can’t see. I’m literally blinded by rage. My eyes burn and feel like they’re going to pop out of my head. The room feels like it’s spinning and I feel like someone is screaming inside of my head. And when my mouth opens, everyone near by is stung by the unfiltered hatred that burst from my tongue. I loose all control, and ultimately wrongfully hurt those I love most.

Moments I’ll Never Forget

I told my husband, more than once, that I wanted to abort my second baby for insignificant reasons that instantly triggered my rage.

I’ve raised my voice at my husband in front of our toddler, more times than I can count, over simple disagreements.

I rudely told my son to chew with his mouth closed so many times throughout the day that he started to hide while eating. The first time that I saw him do this, I cried for what felt like hours.

And that is when I decided to get help.

My Treatment Plan

I take two medications:an antidepressant & an anxiety pill. My medicine helps control my anger but it doesn’t fully tame it.

In addition to taking medicine I also make sure to do the following:

  • Stay well rested
  • Eat when hungry
  • Have a creative outlet
  • Dance often
  • Meditate
  • Exercise

I don’t accomplish each of these every single day because I’m a busy SAHM, but I try my best to do as many as I can because they drastically improve my mood.

Most importantly, I lowered my expectations as a mother and wife. I had to teach myself to let go of the mother & wife that society wants me to be because that version of me demanded too much of my life.

Each day that I wake up, I have one goal: try my best.

I try my best to maintain a clean house. I try my best to raise well-loved & emotionally stable children. I try my best to make time for my husband. And I try my best to take care of myself.

And that is the best that I can do.

Support

Resources

Must Read Articles

Knowledge is power. The more you know, the stronger you’ll be. Give these articles a read:

Closing

Thank you for reading my story. This is a bit a small excerpt from my battle with perinatal mood and anxiety disorder. Stay tuned for a new blog post that explains why & how my anxiety presents itself in a form of rage.

Need more help, want more resources, or simply want to share your story with me? Send me an email or DM me on IG @mommingwithkatlan.

Everything we discuss will remain between us. Let me be here for you.

One thought on “Postpartum Rage: The Angry Bitch More Moms Need to Talk About

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s